There is an abundance of musings on the concept of time, whether it be Dorian Gray, Hootie*, or, my personal favorite, contemporary philosopher/rapper Cannibus. But the coronavirus pandemic has caused me, and likely most of the world, to think about how we spend, use, or sometimes even piss away** this precious resource of time. There seems to be general consensus that being quarantined creates time to finally do those things you’ve been putting off, like completing DIY projects (as if I don’t just outsource everything anyway), or finishing some books or Netflix series. But those who share this thought don’t have two small children, one of whom has serious medical needs. After 10 (11?) weeks on lockdown, all I can think is, still, where has the time gone?

The normal paces of daily life, whether that be full work days, working out, or making dinner, are the same for us as most families. But the medical care for Jackson is a significant commitment that many don’t have. And I am so glad we are doing all of it. Since discharge, he seems to be healthier than he has been in years. We added home bipap for when he is sleeping, changed his diet, added some additional bracing, and (even more) medications. It has improved his respiratory health and brought back his smile and personality. And, because of the quarantine, he hasn’t gone anywhere (literally, not a single other building/dwelling/GPS coordinate) nor seen other people. Suffice to say, Jackson is probably the most fervent lockdown proponent around.

This is all so wonderful for Jackson, but can, regrettably, take away from Luca. In the evening, it takes one person about 90 minutes to get J ready for bed, between meds, enema***, preparing the bed, and then preparing J. So during this time, which is largely the only time not working or making dinner, the other parent could relax, watch TV, do some sort of household chore/project, or engage with Luca. And, for the most part, we try to do just that, by playing, jumping on the trampoline, or riding bikes. But there are times he is relegated to the TV or iPad for too long. And I can see the slow deterioration in his behavior. He needs some more social interaction with peers; peer pressure always has a negative connotation, but I think it’s exactly what he needs. And for this, my heart pulls the other way, wanting to expand our circle and give Luca the childhood he deserves.

For now, we remain quarantined with some very slight increases in freedom, always trying figure how to safely do more and not increase the family health risk. It’s a delicate balance and truly not that easy to manage. You know how Superman flew counter-rotational around the world to turn back time and save Lois?**** I wish we do the inverse, turning ahead time to a treatment, vaccine, or herd immunity. Because even as much of the world gets back to normal, it will be hard for us until the health risk dissipates. Only time will tell.

* Eighth track on Cracked Rearview album, and totally underrated. Second best song behind Let Her Cry.

** Professional writers would use the word waste or even squander here. Nerds.

*** Yep, we do one every night. There are truly no limits to the phrase “do anything for my child.”

**** If you don’t know (really?), watch Superman I, the first and best of the movies.

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